Enjoy The Walk
These words were spoken to me by my friend Matt Schultz today as I prepared myself to joyfully bring my beautiful bride and my new born daughter home today. "Enjoy the walk" carries with it a profound meaning for me, and it is a demonstration of raw community. Of two men sharing deepest regret, painful hurt, and greatest joy together. And to me today, these are Jesus' words spoken to my soul, a demonstration of not only what we should do when life deals us a perfect hand, but what we should ALWAYS do.
Enjoy the Walk
To each of us in every moment, this is the Word - enjoy the walk.
There will be times when this is impossible.
Times of loss. When spouses die. Or get ill. when kids are gone, when sickness comes. When life is confusing. Bankruptcy. Divorce. Despair.
How do you "Enjoy the Walk" in times like these?
You don't.
But know there is someone else out there, who IS enjoying the walk who could come along side you in your time of need. I have long said that 'every need we have can perfectly be filled by another person' in the true spirit of community. That is the call of this creed - Enjoy the Walk - even in life's un-enjoyable times, to share our experience, our heartache, our devastation, our sullen state with one who can lift us up from the current mire of our existence. This is the clarion call of Christ Jesus - Enjoy the Walk.
In your blessing, in your depravity. In your abuse- and your love. In your bankruptcy-and your abundance. In your loss - and your gain.
Enjoy the walk.
Walk with one another - nothing feels better than helping someone else, then would you give the gift of launching your need into twitter, or facebook, or your community of faith, or your workplace such that, someone could walk with you? That someone could take up your slack, carry your load, help with your burden, meet your need.
I can't imagine writing this type of post in one of the hard times, I'm writing it in one of the good times, but let me tell you this, I have been carried, I have been helped, one thing I have done is I have shared my journey, I have shared my need. I have walked with others through my depravity, and at the very end of what I could endure - I found someone else, ready, willing, able, to carry me. Someone Jesus sent, because he is Lord of it all.
He is Lord of the Harvest - both the ones destroyed by flood, and those where the bins overflow.
Praise his name.
Thank YOU (ya you know who you are) for walking with me in this journey of life.
slv2all
P.S. The walk today, was down the same hallway we walked empty handed 2 years ago. Today hand in hand, I walked my Bride, and my beautiful daughter to a new Joy filled life of abundance, blessing, and a firm calling to BLESS the community that has given me so much. And as we cried, and opened that door hand in hand we remembered the deep regret, the pain, the heartache, the utter devastation - and the hope.
Friday 24 September 2010
Wednesday 22 September 2010
Guarded Blessing
My wife and I have been struck with a lack of Joy.
We have much to be joyful for. But we are guarding that Joy, and that excitement under a veil for one simple yet profound reason.
We don't want to be hurt again.
2 years ago, we suffered a great loss at the end of Lynn's 4th full term pregnancy, our Daughter Keziah Grace Hubert was born still on Nov 29, 2008. The tragedy tore at us personally maritally, and spiritually, and while God in his infinite grace has brought healing mercy to us it has been a long uphill battle. The really good news is that he has brought the restoration of our marriage.
One of the things that happened when we were going through this great trial is that I understood there to be a distance between us in marriage. This was noticed at a time when we were coming together to grieve - and yet there was this deep chasm between us.
I didn't like it.
And so with Christian brothers I we went to work on it. We went to work on me, and in the quiet confusion of pain and loss, I discovered an ugly truth about me, I was a sex addict.
I still am actually.
The difference today is that through gospel accountability, I realize that reality, and have fought it at every front. Today is day 428 No Porn, No self pleasing through masturbation.
And that isn't the great part - that is just the upside of the really ugly part.
And that brings us to today.
The entire of dynamic of my marriage has changed, in fact, my marriage has NEVER been like this, because see - I have been a sex addict since I was 13 years old - when I found my first porn mag at the end of a back alley near my house. Today I live in victory, my wife has full reign on my sexual life - she can ask any question at any time, and expect a full and honest answer. And my men hold me to that as well, we chew away at a high standard for one another.
So why 'Guarded Blessing' as a tittle?
Well here is the deal - we are at the very end of full term pregnancy #5 - and the usually excitement for a new baby is just is not there. Because we are protecting ourselves from the slim chance of another dismal repeat.
Here is my take away. Have you been hurt in the past? Don't let it steal your joy today. Don't let it steal your enthusiasm. Do let it harm trusting in people. Don't let it suck you into a vortex of fear and anxiety. And in here is a message for the people of God - maybe you have been hurt in the past, maybe something didn't work, or someone said something dumb, or made some foolish mistake, don't throw up a guard because to do so is to kill the very spirit the people of God are to be the ambassador of.
It is simple - the people of God are to bring the hope of the world. And the dismal reality is in a lot of places I just don't see it. And the reason I don't is because we are afraid.
The church is afraid of that guy who talks about Jesus while drinking a beer on a deck. The church is afraid of that guy who goes to that party with those 'worldly' people and eats to much, and drinks wine - and yet he talks about God like they are best friends. The church is afraid to get to close to people who use recreational drugs, and getting to close to people of philosophy and psychology and humanism, because the church is afraid it may be lured in. The church is afraid to let a muslim pray in our building, or to eat with them and hear about their spiritual journey, and before you know it the church is guarding the blessing it is meant to bring.
And in my experience when you guard a blessing - you will be struck with a lack of Joy.
slv2all
We have much to be joyful for. But we are guarding that Joy, and that excitement under a veil for one simple yet profound reason.
We don't want to be hurt again.
2 years ago, we suffered a great loss at the end of Lynn's 4th full term pregnancy, our Daughter Keziah Grace Hubert was born still on Nov 29, 2008. The tragedy tore at us personally maritally, and spiritually, and while God in his infinite grace has brought healing mercy to us it has been a long uphill battle. The really good news is that he has brought the restoration of our marriage.
One of the things that happened when we were going through this great trial is that I understood there to be a distance between us in marriage. This was noticed at a time when we were coming together to grieve - and yet there was this deep chasm between us.
I didn't like it.
And so with Christian brothers I we went to work on it. We went to work on me, and in the quiet confusion of pain and loss, I discovered an ugly truth about me, I was a sex addict.
I still am actually.
The difference today is that through gospel accountability, I realize that reality, and have fought it at every front. Today is day 428 No Porn, No self pleasing through masturbation.
And that isn't the great part - that is just the upside of the really ugly part.
And that brings us to today.
The entire of dynamic of my marriage has changed, in fact, my marriage has NEVER been like this, because see - I have been a sex addict since I was 13 years old - when I found my first porn mag at the end of a back alley near my house. Today I live in victory, my wife has full reign on my sexual life - she can ask any question at any time, and expect a full and honest answer. And my men hold me to that as well, we chew away at a high standard for one another.
So why 'Guarded Blessing' as a tittle?
Well here is the deal - we are at the very end of full term pregnancy #5 - and the usually excitement for a new baby is just is not there. Because we are protecting ourselves from the slim chance of another dismal repeat.
Here is my take away. Have you been hurt in the past? Don't let it steal your joy today. Don't let it steal your enthusiasm. Do let it harm trusting in people. Don't let it suck you into a vortex of fear and anxiety. And in here is a message for the people of God - maybe you have been hurt in the past, maybe something didn't work, or someone said something dumb, or made some foolish mistake, don't throw up a guard because to do so is to kill the very spirit the people of God are to be the ambassador of.
It is simple - the people of God are to bring the hope of the world. And the dismal reality is in a lot of places I just don't see it. And the reason I don't is because we are afraid.
The church is afraid of that guy who talks about Jesus while drinking a beer on a deck. The church is afraid of that guy who goes to that party with those 'worldly' people and eats to much, and drinks wine - and yet he talks about God like they are best friends. The church is afraid to get to close to people who use recreational drugs, and getting to close to people of philosophy and psychology and humanism, because the church is afraid it may be lured in. The church is afraid to let a muslim pray in our building, or to eat with them and hear about their spiritual journey, and before you know it the church is guarding the blessing it is meant to bring.
And in my experience when you guard a blessing - you will be struck with a lack of Joy.
slv2all
Monday 20 September 2010
Stuck in the land between
Dr Seuss in his world renowned book "Oh the places you'll go" describes waiting this way:
You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
"...a most useless place."
Have you ever been there? Right now I am psychologically locked into a place of waiting that will spell something indescribable.
I am hoping and begging for indescribable JOY.
A couple of blogs back (really I should do this more) I wrote about my wife and I loosing a daughter to stillbirth.
Lynn is 37 weeks and counting, I have never been more freaked out.
Our doctor - a specialist, who has been watching Lynn like a hawk told us that we would be induced this thursday. I can't describe what happened in my wife and I's heads last friday, it was like we were finally "allowed" to start planning for this baby.
And so we started cleaning, and preparing, and shopping like mad, and getting the cradle ready, and getting the car seat back from a friend and prepping for the baby like nobody's business, because we are having a baby.
We are having a baby.
And those words bring me to my knees, where I again beg God for Mercy.
Please Lord, Let us have this baby, that we may honour you with another little one who follows you and knows your voice.
This has been the most obscure part of my life, and I feel as though I am on the very precipice of his most abundant blessing - and yet, I continue to guard myself.
Have you ever been here?
have you been to the waiting place?
If you have, please take a brief moment and share - by making a comment bellow.
slv2all
You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
"...a most useless place."
Have you ever been there? Right now I am psychologically locked into a place of waiting that will spell something indescribable.
I am hoping and begging for indescribable JOY.
A couple of blogs back (really I should do this more) I wrote about my wife and I loosing a daughter to stillbirth.
Lynn is 37 weeks and counting, I have never been more freaked out.
Our doctor - a specialist, who has been watching Lynn like a hawk told us that we would be induced this thursday. I can't describe what happened in my wife and I's heads last friday, it was like we were finally "allowed" to start planning for this baby.
And so we started cleaning, and preparing, and shopping like mad, and getting the cradle ready, and getting the car seat back from a friend and prepping for the baby like nobody's business, because we are having a baby.
We are having a baby.
And those words bring me to my knees, where I again beg God for Mercy.
Please Lord, Let us have this baby, that we may honour you with another little one who follows you and knows your voice.
This has been the most obscure part of my life, and I feel as though I am on the very precipice of his most abundant blessing - and yet, I continue to guard myself.
Have you ever been here?
have you been to the waiting place?
If you have, please take a brief moment and share - by making a comment bellow.
slv2all
Wednesday 15 September 2010
Your Character will be known
99% of our days will actually be forgotten.
Specifically most of the things you say, most of the things you do. A good example of this would be a fairly significant calendar day 5 years ago, pick Christmas or someone significant to you who had a birthday. More than likely you won't be able to pick out specifics of a conversation or even the gifts you gave, but more than likely you would be able to remember what typified the event in relation to your character. I know I can, I would have madly been rushing around trying to finish something in the garage last minute the day before, and making an excuse for that thing I wish I had done.
Brutal.
We are going to try and change that about me - and that is going to take a lot of work.
It is not the small things which survive us, it is the make up of all those small things - character - which survives us forever. How will you be known? Better yet, what are your daily interactions like, perhaps this persistent nagging character flaw is something you end up kicking against day in a day out. My personal plan on working on it is to humbly acknowledge it before the people I live, work and breath along side with on this journey. Because along the way, if I can chip away at things about myself I don't like with those I love, I stand a chance of becoming the person we all want me to be.
slv2all
Specifically most of the things you say, most of the things you do. A good example of this would be a fairly significant calendar day 5 years ago, pick Christmas or someone significant to you who had a birthday. More than likely you won't be able to pick out specifics of a conversation or even the gifts you gave, but more than likely you would be able to remember what typified the event in relation to your character. I know I can, I would have madly been rushing around trying to finish something in the garage last minute the day before, and making an excuse for that thing I wish I had done.
Brutal.
We are going to try and change that about me - and that is going to take a lot of work.
It is not the small things which survive us, it is the make up of all those small things - character - which survives us forever. How will you be known? Better yet, what are your daily interactions like, perhaps this persistent nagging character flaw is something you end up kicking against day in a day out. My personal plan on working on it is to humbly acknowledge it before the people I live, work and breath along side with on this journey. Because along the way, if I can chip away at things about myself I don't like with those I love, I stand a chance of becoming the person we all want me to be.
slv2all
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