Practice, and Coaching, the pathway to wholeness and peace.
Today is a wretched day. One of the very hardest for me, on
our annual calendar.
And tomorrow is worse.
The way things were supposed to play out, me and my wife
were supposed to be in the middle of planning for a four year old girls
birthday party in the next couple weeks, while juggling a busy holiday
schedule.
But now we are not.
For years ago today my wife, 2 weeks from her due date with
our forth child made a heart wrenching discovery. The baby girl she was
carrying had stopped moving, kicking, and jostling about. She went to the
hospital. Then she called me. I called my mom. That was a long drive. And the
night was longer. All I can seem to remember is the piercing silence of those
moments, and how they were not going to be broken by the happy sounds of new
birth.
Just more wretched silence.
Followed by a brutal walk down the hall of unit 25 in Red
Deer. Good friends by our side.
Its been four years since we lost Keziah.
Her birth-day is tomorrow.
And, my heart still breaks when I remember the events that
surrounded those days. I was a broken man, maybe someday, I’ll tell you what
was really going on, but for now lets just say, our marriage was pushed
right to the breaking point during her pregnancy.
It had everything to do with me, walking away from things I
had committed to.
Keziah’s death changed all that, but, it got worse before it
got better. And at the very fever pitch, with our marriage flailing about on
its last legs, I reached out for help.
Boy am I glad I did.
Today I believe that we all have a TRIBE. A group of people
around us, ready, willing, able, to help at a moments notice. I believe these
people can be put into action, for more than just helping us with flat tires,
shingling a roof, party decorations, or baking cakes. Those are all good things,
don’t get me wrong.
I’m talking about better things.
Best things.
I’m talking about practice, and coaching.
Every day, as we go through the motions of yet another day,
we reinforce (practice) many of the same things. Over and over and over. We
don’t think about it as practice. But it is. Practicing with stunning rapidity,
the things that will make us our future selves.
Maybe if you think about it you won’t like the things that
you are practicing.
I didn’t. I began to HATE the things I was practicing.
Because, the result of all that practice had devastating
effect.
Enter my TRIBE, a Tribe, that I opened myself up to let
Coach me in my life.
In sports, coaches watch what you are doing, correct, and
get you to practice the best way of doing things. The trick with applying this
directly to life is, we spend an inordinate amount of energy masking (read,
lying, hiding, obscuring) the true
reality of who we really are. In
sports there is no hiding behind a mask, there is TV cameras, game tape, and a
score clock beaming your accomplishment (or lack thereof) to the world, there
are no masks to hide behind.
Failure in the past CAN be a path to success in the future.
If you are willing to take your mask off, and open yourself
up to be coached.
But this is hard work.
And that is what we did.
Today, I am a changed man, but I’m changed because we choose
to do the hard work of shining Light into the dark corners of
our lives. Coaches get you to practice what they know will be good for you,
what they know will help. And it took deep life change, the kind that changes
the things you DO, the way you TALK, the way you think about YOURSELF.
It would not have worked, if we choose to keep our masks on.
Instead we created a place of safety, where, we were allowed to be vulnerable.
It’s been four years.
Four long years.
Today we have a sweet little 2 year old, that I Know we
would not have had – if Keziah had lived. It’s been four years, and as much as
I wish it was different, I am confronted with the fact that I can’t wish it was
different.
I’m conflicted.
But I am also better.
slv2all
