Anything is possible

Anything is possible.

Do you believe that?

I've seen some pretty amazing things. I seen the most amazing athletic feats accomplished. Unbelievable stuff, that most of us can't do.

unimaginable weights lifted, by women - I just sit there thinking I could never do that.

unimaginable shots in basketball (my sport) it just drives my mind wild. How do they do that?

Some time search "pro ping pong" on YouTube. Mind numbing.

I love the highlight real. Watching Soccer player put enough spin on a ball to curve it. Fascinating.

And we are sitting there in our chairs, on our couches, think how amazing it is, and then we turn from our little oasis of relief back to our real lives. Back to the pile of laundry, the kids that won't listen, the spouse who:

"isn't there"

"Doesn't get me"

"Always nags me"

"Won't relax"

"Doesn't know how to have a good time"

"is 'out' again - fourth time this week"

And a thought traces through our mind.

"This is impossible"

Well I'd like to tell you that - this thought is Pure Bull Shit.

It isn't impossible.

But it is hard.

You see, what those people have in the paragraph above is something we have to learn to CrossApply to our everyday existence. Maybe you've never heard it like this before, so here is my attempt and trying to help out the futility that you are feeling. So take that woman weight lifter - world record of 412 lb as of the 2009 World Weightlifting Championships, she is Jang Miran of South Korea. So what does she have that you don't? Well first she has some will and determination - and the tools, most likely she also has a wicked team. Oh and one more thing, she probably practices everyday - she is probably unrelenting. Or how about those basketball players, you know, the amazing ones - what separates them from you - or me (remember my it was my sport). Well I will tell you what it is, reps doing the same thing over and over and over again until you have some type of odd muscle memory - you can do it in your sleep, your brain is wired for it, you are a machine. Take any sport, or any great feet of human kind and break it into its components and me and you can do that, but are we willing to do it 150,000 times a year? How many golf swings does it take to become a pro? And who is talking in your ear, poising you for greatness?

Ok got it? where am I going with this?

Relationships.

Awesome ones.

Husband and wife on the same page.

How could that happen?"

Well, I think the same way as we become great at anything.

This was my tweet today:

Love like this is possible.

for anyone.

Takes a shit load of work and understanding the nature of relationships #attachmentTheory

and if I had the room I would have added two more hashtags

#tribe

#gospel

I'll start with the ending and work my way back. Gospel. a couple of years ago I was convinced I was living a lie (because I was). My basic definition of this is this question "Was I being the same person in all circumstances?" So the thing I say with one person - is it true with that other person? My action in one circumstances is it okay in when those other people are watching? My attitude, is it congruent where ever I am, or am I "Ya having a great day" at the same time I am absolutely about to have a mental break down? So I decided it was time to change. Because I could not live like this anymore. There is a saying for times like this - goes like this:

Shit got real

I think I launched myself into some type of deep depression, if you asked me how I was doing I told you up strait because I was done with bullshit. At the same time I got into a accountability group - 12 step of sorts, in search of changing some bad habits. It wasn't the best of years. But here is the cool thing - that tribe, that group of men started being my corner men. They started being my sparing partners, my coaches, my team mates. Inside a group of men, I heard questions like:

How can I be a better husband?

What things do I need to stop doing?

What new habits do I need to start?

Is this possible?

This group was centred on the teaching of Jesus that we found in our bibles. Funny thing about the group is we found a strange amount of "dislike" for us in the local church. Funny, seems religion and authenticity don't mix so well (more about this some time in some other post). But here is the awesome thing, as we kept coaching each other we found that we got better and better. Jesus said in Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” What Jesus was talking about in that passage was deep personal change.

Changing who you are.

From the inside.

And ya.

It is possible.

#tribe

Man I love my tribe. And guess what, we all have one. You are in one, you work out with one, you have beers with one, you fight fires with one, you building things with one, you reconcile accounts with one, you make coffee with one, you eat with one. Those people. Who you call, who you tweet to, who you text message, who you are friends with. Who you go out with. The ones you talk with about the deep stuff. - That is your tribe.

I have a few questions for your tribe then.

1. Who is your leader?

2. Where are you going?

and it is inside question #2 that we find all of the grit and the grime and the hard fricken work. Because we just end up telling ourselves 'what? we are not really going anywhere - what do you mean where are you going?'

But I want you to think about it seriously. Where are you going?

I think that unintentionally we end up leading each other to all kinds of dark conclusions. I had one early tribe member (he will remain un-named) who lead me into the darkest years of my life with his shitty advice to lie to my wife - so I kicked him out of my tribe it was easy, I just stopped phoning him. Where are you going? I find we end up talking about what everyone else needs to do in order to make things better for us. So we end up talking with our friends about what our spouse does, or doesn't do, that angers us, or pisses us off and our friends agree, and listen - and don't challenge, and suddenly we find ourselves moving slowly apart in our marriages. And then we wonder why, and we wonder how we got here.

What if you took your relationships as seriously as a world record holding weight lifter.

What if?

Well I know from experience. First thing you would do is do things differently with your tribe. And ya, maybe YOU are the one to lead them, push them, ask them what their favourite thing is about their spouse. Build their marriage UP. Coach, direct, suggest, encourage, move forward, goal set, attain, move more, quit bad habits, create new ones, ask encourage some more, and so on.

I know it is possible. Because it happened to me. Be the change you want to see in your world.

#attachmentTheory

I'm not going to spend a ton of time on this, let me just say. We don't know JACK about relationships. You think you do? You don't. If you have ever texted during a conversation, trust me you don't know JACK. If you have ever yelled at your kids - you don't know JACK. If you have ever felt the empty and alone in a room - in a life, in a world FULL of people that you have known your whole life - then ya you don't know JACK.

Tell you what - for all I have learned, and am now TRYING to practice, I don't know JACK about relationships.

Nothing. But I'm trying some new things found in a book "Hold on to your kids" and I'm finding that this stuff works - that it makes sense, and that it applicable to ALL my relationships.

here is the link

http://www.amazon.ca/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0676974724

Like I said, I'm no expert, but I'm learning stuff, and my family, my friends, and my businesses are the better for it.

I'll be posting more about relationships and attachment theory in the coming days and weeks.

thanks for reading.

You can do it. I know you can!

slv2all

Anger, Joy and Pure enjoyment

Anger is easy.

Joy is hard.

Pure Enjoyment impossible.

Anger is easy.

It doesn't take any swallow of your pride. It whelms up, bursts out rages - and then goes away.

From a neurological perspective Anger is a neurological response any one of numerous triggers. It can be past frustrations with self, current frustrations with others. It can be current situations, feelings, things people say, things they do. Injustice. fear. loss of hope. Being attacked. Watching someone else be attacked. Anger is fuel. It can charge the nervous system with a ton of adrenaline and bring our bodies to a hyper sense of awareness. Our muscles tense with explosive power, and everything becomes quicker. Our tongues sharper. Our words more piercing. To those we know most about - to which our relationships return decades upon decades, we can pull a thought from 30 years ago and STRIKE with acute pinpoint force. The attack is quick. Done. and remembered.

Joy is hard.

Joy is often confused with pleasure. Joy is not in its essence pleasure. Joy can bring pleasure. Pleasure can come in the midst of joy. Joy can accompany pleasure. But they are different. Pleasure is fleeting, it is a moment. Pleasure is eating pie. Joy can be found in not eating pie. And. Joy can also be found in the pleasure of eating pie when one has taken the pleasure in not eating pie more than eating pie. Joy is not pie.

Joy is hard, and this is the reason I think it is hard - like anger, joy must be found not only in the doing of things, but also in the killing of things. Find out what you want, and sacrifice other things in the pursuit. There is nothing wrong with eating pie. There is nothing wrong about even over eating. We could even bring ourselves to say there is nothing wrong with weighing 20 or 30 pounds over what we should. Nothing wrong with it. But. If we have an idea, that these things are in the way of our pursuit - say running an ironman, or pleasing a spouse - or if these things bring with them guilt (placed on our spirits by the Holy Spirit) then each time we over partake in them…. we will loose a little Joy. Joy is hard, because what we believe joy IS messes us up. We believe Joy is as much running a perfect race as eating too much and sitting on the couch night after night instead of training. the later is not Joy - it is pleasure. Know the difference.

Pure enjoyment is pleasure commingled with Joy, Anger, Pleasure, Self control while being fully authentic in community with others before God - with no guilt - pretty close to impossible. I don't have much to write on this, because frankly it eludes me. I have so often been derailed from it with pleasure. or with Anger. I believe that Pure Enjoyment comes from decade after decade of self control. I've not experienced it. But I want to.

Put another way:

Anger is a sprint.

Joy is a marathon.

Pure enjoyment an Ironman.

Ironmen don't practice for their race by running sprints.

Run as if to finish the race!!!!!

slv2all